by Sabrina Lindsey
The small flame lit up Sidney’s golden brown face. Freckles decorated the apples of her cheeks. She pinched the match thinking of what the kitchen would look like in wake of the damage. Blackened countertops and walls. The ugly harvest-style vegetable wall paper burned unrecognizable. Smoke stained ceilings and door frames. The shopping list Mrs. Johnson stuck to her refrigerator door reduced to ashes. Melted glass shelves and appliances. The priceless horrified looks on everyone’s face knowing that nothing could be salvaged. What would she care? The house didn’t belong to her. She had her accelerant. Lighter fluid pooled to the left of her on the linoleum floor. The flame hypnotized her. Drop me.
...... the rest is being altered for maximum completion. Stay Tuned.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
And then there's you....
Posted by Anomaly at 6:07 PM
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4 People Listening:
Excelente!! Wow... this story was very different. I liked the character because it was different from anything that I've read.
Damnnnnnn this was really good...are u goin to finish it??? Wow...thats all i can say!!! I kinda feel feel sorry for Sidney though = (
Ok wow. I will try to be brief. I think your subject matter is fresh and interesting. You clearly have your own voice. I totally get what you were saying about the genre debate. I would only request you explain some things more clearly. Of course as an author you want to keep some cards close to your chest to surprise your reader. However, surprise and suspence, and lack of clarity and confusion are very closely connected and you walk a very fine line. What do I as a reader know? I know Sid is some kind of bi-polar, pyromanic with abandonment issues. I know her and Travis have some type of relationship that he opted out of because of said issues. I know she's recently burned several houses down. I feel like I need to know more. This is a short story, I love that, but don't cut out her back story for brevity's sake. You know what I mean? I don't need to know Sid's entire life story before the beginning of this one, but I'm interested to know how she came to meet Travis 3 years, 6 months and a week ago. Why was she living with her uncle? Who is Mrs. Jackson? And what prompted her to burn down Travis's friends houses? There's some unknown transgressions they've committed that clearly only Sid is aware of, but I, the reader, should be also...
I think that's it on the writing part...now for what was actually written.
I fucks with Sid's crazy ass lol I think I would enjoy portraying her in a movie...I love dark, complex characters. Those are often times the most memorable, the most meaningful.
I can not believe Travis tho. That was max fucked up what he did to her. How do you have a friend that you KNOW is unstable and pull some ol raggedy shit like that? He lucky. If it was me I woulda drove his precious car into his empty ass bedroom and lite both them shits on fire. That was crazy! Nigga had the nerve to pull her into his damn lap, rubbin her back and all that, feeding her poor crazy ass all types of lies. THEN this nigga goes and leaves her ass to sleep outside on her porch? What kind of fucked up haberdashery is that? I am sooo over Travis. That dude is a lame.
Overall, I think you have an excellent skeleton here. I just need you to go back and put some meat on these bones girl!!!
That was mad good brina!!! You have crazii writing skills!
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